


(only know you love him) when you let him go

by hyucksilver



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst!, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings, I'll add more tags as i go, Lot of cursing, Lots of Angst, M/M, Not Betaed, Slow Burn, a bit of unconscious infidelity, but if that's triggering please don't read, did i say angst, i just love markhyuck, i tried comedy but honestly idk about that, lapslock, lot of 99+00 antics cause i love them, mark is dorny (donghyuck horny), minor jung jaehyun/mark lee, minor kim jungwoo/lee donghyuck, not a cheating fic, some sex but this ain't porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 08:55:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18753115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyucksilver/pseuds/hyucksilver
Summary: when donghyuck knocks on his door at 4 am, mark doesn’t even stop to think. he just lets donghyuck in, as always.or, estranged ex-best friends-with-benefits try to stop themselves from falling in love (again)unfortunately this time, it's not so simple





	(only know you love him) when you let him go

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic i ever brought myself to post, and also the first one i'm writing without completely mapping out the plot. so the ending is gonna be a surprise for all of us.... jk lol. this is gonna be pure angst and some fluff and some (attempted) humor. please leave any constructive criticism and comments and support NCT!!!

mark would like to call himself pretty smart. he hasn’t failed any classes (yet) and was called “gifted” in high school. but no amount of education can prepare him for donghyuck at his apartment door, _right now_.

mark looks down at his watch. _4:27 am_ , it glares back at him. he sighs and pushes the door open and lets donghyuck in, who immediately makes himself at home and drapes himself over mark’s duvet. he stares at mark standing over him and crosses his arm over his chest. he says nothing as his eyes rake across the medals pinned over mark’s apartment walls.

“what is it now hyuck?” mark doesn’t even have enough energy to sound mad. 

donghyuck’s eyes shift to trace mark’s face, bottom to top, until they sit comfortably on his eyes. mark’s face burns and he adjusts his glasses under the attention. donghyuck has never quite looked at him like this. 

mark is still burning under donghyuck’s gaze, but instead he gathers his courage. “what, couldn’t stay away from me hyuck?” he pouts, but internally, he screams. _why did he say that?_

donghyuck’s eyes drop to his lips, and mark watches donghyuck’s adam’s apple as he swallows his words. mark can’t put a finger on why this tension is making his skin crawl. more so than usual.

mark is just about ready to give up on this disaster of a conversation before donghyuck reaches over and grabs his hand. the dark daze clouding donghyuck’s face is gone, and he’s smiling brightly. mark almost gets whiplash.

“i came in to check in on you. how was your date?” mark’s hand is still folded into donghyuck’s fingers. mark can’t seem to muster enough strength to pull his hand away. instead, he sits down on the floor so he doesn’t need to leave him. 

“as always, jaehyun was great. he bought me dinner and drove me home.” jaehyun is never anything _but_ great. he is the hot junior from work and always laughs at mark’s lame jokes. mark is absolutely smitten with his smile. but, he doesn’t tell this to donghyuck. he’s scared of breaking this quiet fragile moment.

donghyuck exhales and his eyes close. “that’s nice.” 

when mark tells jaemin about his dates, jaemin squeals and begs him to tell more. when he tells renjun about jaehyun, renjun stalks jaehyun’s instagram and his friends. when he tells jeno and yukhei about his boyfriend being on the basketball team, they give him high-fives and giggle when mark visits the gym lockers. 

but when he tells donghyuck about jaehyun taking him out for dinner, donghyuck just sighs. 

it’s a strange feeling.

“i went on a date with jungwoo today.” mark is immediately broken out of his thoughts. he pulls his hand away from donghyuck’s like he’s been burned. 

“what? who?”

“you know, that chem major who always flirts with me in thermo? yukhei’s ex?” blood rushes to mark’s ears. how is he only hearing about this now? what type of self-absorbed best friend was he?

donghyuck breaks out into a grin gain, and his teeth shine in the darkness of mark’s studio apartment. “he’s so so so nice, mark. he’s so sweet to me, it’s nice.” his smile calms, and his face reddens into a bashful pout. 

mark’s internal organs churn. is this how donghyuck feels like when mark goes out with jaehyun? 

but, mark plasters on a smile. someone has to be the grown-up in this situation. “wow, hyuckie. my best friend is growing up so fast.” mark ruffles donghyuck’s hair and stands up, stretching with a yawn. 

he wants to run away, but unfortunately this is his apartment and he can’t kick out donghyuck without his 4 other best friends flooding his phone with angry emojis. donghyuck, it seems, doesn’t want to move at all. 

“well, hyuck. I’m going to sleep, i need to get some sleep before my 8 am” mark hums before he snuggles himself into the donghyuck-less side of the bed. he doesn’t bother to offer donghyuck a blanket, or lead him out of the door. they’ve been best friends for so long, that they never keep up any niceties. 

he shuts his eyes, and sleep washes over him quickly. but not fast enough to miss donghyuck’s whisper.

 _i’m sorry_.

...................................................................................

“look, mark. look they’re holding hands” jaemin looks possessed as he sits across from mark with his eyes rolled to the side. 

mark pushes his drink towards jaemin and pulls a face of disgust. he and jaemin are out stalking donghyuck on his date, but the free oolong tea in front of him was not good enough compensation to join jaemin on his jaemin- antics™. he still doesn’t understand why jaemin is so invested in the new jaemin-coined #hyuckwoo.

“he’s like really cute” jaemin says while sipping on his (way better) thai tea. “i don’t get how donghyuck managed to snap him up.” jaemin dramatically snaps under mark’s nose, and mark jumps up, startled. 

from the corner of his eye, he can see donghyuck look back in confusion and immediately he flips his cap to hide his face. donghyuck still doesn’t know mark dyed his hair, so there’s less of a chance he will notice. jaemin, on the other hand, is wearing the exact sweater donghyuck meticulously picked out for him on his birthday. _idiot_.

before donghyuck can open his mouth to question the familiar-looking people that have been following him for the last hour, jungwoo cups his hand on donghyuck’s chin and draws his attention away. jungwoo leans over and presses his lips to donghyuck’s cheek. 

mark wants to throw something at the wall. but instead he grimaces at jaemin, _do you want us to get caught?_

jaemin just shrugs like the ass he is, _i don’t care_. 

mark sometimes wishes they all didn’t end up in the same university. it seemed like an amazing coincidence when they all got their acceptance letters, but now it’s just depressing that he’s stuck with these weird ass kids he’s known since he could read. 

mark’s phone buzzes. and once again, jaemin is saved from another glare. his phone continues to vibrate as jaehyun sends him a string of texts and suggestive emojis. mark blushes and tries to stop himself from breaking out into a smile. 

jaemin glances over and smirks when he sees the eggplant emoji brazenly taking up half of mark’s screen space. he shoos mark to the exit, “go mark. have fun with j*ehyun.” mark has no idea how jaemin said that out loud.

his phone continues to vibrate with texts from jaehyun as he walks to the exit, and jaemin shouts from his seat, “you should stick it up your ass for nice foreplay.”

mark is going to kill jaemin. he stomps over to jaemin to strangle him, when he hears a loud cough behind him.

_oh no_

donghyuck’s full attention is finally on them and his eyes widen as he takes in the scene of two of his best friends in the same cafe as his _date_. 

mark eyes meet donghyuck’s and for once, he can’t decipher them.

so he does what he does best.

he runs away.

 

...................................................................................

jaehyun moans in his ear, his tongue lavishing the curve of mark’s jaw. mark hums as he pushes his pelvis onto jaehyun’s. he hasn’t felt this alive in a while. 

“what are you up for tonight?” jaehyun’s voice is hot and raspy and sending blood rushing to his dick. 

“i want you to fuck me tonight, i’m done with all the thigh stuff.” mark throws his head back as jaehyun pushes his tongue into the cavity of his clavicle, his hand ghosting mark’s underwear. mark just wants to finally get this over with. he doesn’t know what he’s trying to prove tonight.

jaehyun smirks, his dimple breaking into his skin. mark can’t help but latch onto it with his mouth. he suddenly feels starved and horny, like he’s never been touched before.

_hands move up mark’s waist and lips fall on his nipple. mark giggles and shimmies out of his jeans. he whimpers when a hand dips into his ass._

mark shakes his head quickly, as if that would erase the imprint on his mind. jaehyun peers at him through his hooded eyes, head cocked in confusion. mark moans louder instead. he doesn’t need jaehyun to suspect him. 

jaehyun returns his attention to the buttons on mark’s shorts, pulling at them and spreading his mark’s ass with his hands. this time, mark’s moans are real.

in minutes, mark’s shorts are on the floor and mark’s underwear is hanging on his knees. mark can barely breathe.

_“c’mon just put it in, jesus”_

_“you’re so cute when you curse, babe ”_

_“wow, you really know how to break a moment, don’t you?”_

mark just closes his eyes and gives up. his memory is stronger than he is.

he forgets the world around him and climbs onto the bed, his stomach to the sheets, and his ass high in the air. mark just needs to be fucked senseless right now.

jaehyun pokes at his hole with a cold, lubed finger. his hands are strong, calloused and huge. but the finger that mark feels is thin, smooth and warm. 

mark is horrible. mark is weak.

jaehyun‘s fingers continue to work into him, scissoring and pressing his prostate, and mark’s whimpers fill the room. he is on fire. when mark fits four of jaehyun’s fingers, jaehyun stops and presses kisses down mark’s spine. 

mark hears jaehyun’s belt being pulled off, and the shuffle of jaehyun pulling down his jeans. he tries to be patients, but he’s whining at the absence of jaehyun’s ministrations. 

jaehyun’s hands pull apart his ass cheeks again and he blows on mark’s hole. “i’m going in” jaehyun groans as mark feels the head of jaehyun’s cock brush past his rim. jaehyun pushes through and mark screams. 

he’s so full. but he needs a second.

jaehyun pauses to let him regain his bearings, but after mark feels numb to the stretch he starts rolling his ass, grinding on jaehyun’s cock. he hears jaehyun chuckle, before jaehyun starts pushing into him fast and hard.

mark moans turn into screams, as jaehyun continues pounding into him. his cock never hits mark’s prostate spot on and mark whines in frustration.

_“yes, that’s it c’mon hyuck”_

_“like this?” donghyuck pushes into him hard and grabs onto mark’s ass holding him up._

_“yes, yes, yes” mark is reduced to his moans. he’s too lost to feel embarrassed about how horny he is for donghyuck._

_donghyuck continues to move into him, his dick making mark feel all types of things, while mark can only scream donghyuck’s name in pleasure._

_“hyuck, harder”_

_mark gasps as donghyuck pulls his arms back and curves his back before snapping back into him. pounding into him hard. fast. mark is losing his mind._

_donghyuck groans, “mark you’re so fucking hot, why haven’t we done this before”_

_mark can’t respond; he’s too breathless from donghyuck’s ruthless hammering. he just might break tonight._

_but maybe, he’s just too scared to respond. if donghyuck finds out, they’re done._

_he just continues his moans, “hyuck, hyuck..... hyuck”_

_“hyuck_ …”

“wait what?” his hole is suddenly empty, gaping at air. why did hyuck stop?

he opens his eyes to a room that is clearly not covered in donghyuck’s MJ posters and SHINee banners, and with a jolt, he remembers where he is. _shit._

he scrambles to face jaehyun, whose face is stricken with confusion and hurt. mark instantly feels like crap. _fuck._

“was i just a rebound or butt buddy for you, mark? i can’t believe this. you were screaming _someone else’s_ name while you were in _my_ bed.” 

mark thought jaehyun was sexy when his cold, angry voice came out, but right now mark just feels so small. 

mark opens his mouth in his defense. _"i was saying hyun"_ , he wants to lie. he genuinely liked jaehyun and loved his company. he can’t believe he let himself fuck up like this. 

but his voice betrays him, and all he lets out is a weak “sorry.”

jaehyun pushes his dick back into his underwear. “at least i found out before you played with me for longer.” he pulls himself off the bed, and mark hears him amble to the bathroom, footsteps heavy. in tune with mark’s own heartbeat full of guilt. 

mark forces himself off the bed and into his clothes, hands shaking as he buttons his jeans.  
he doesn’t let himself look back as he walks out of the apartment and shuts the door behind him. he doesn’t let himself go back and beg for forgiveness, as he waits for the elevator to go to the ground floor. he doesn’t let himself cry as he sits at the curb and calls the only number he’s ever bothered to memorize.

the call connects and the other end is muffled and annoyed, “what do you want, mark?”

mark stifles the tears that fall when he hears his voice. “hyuck can you pick me up please? i messed up.”

he hears donghyuck scramble and his voice is alert and worried when he speaks again, “where are you? are you okay?”

“jaehyun’s. please don’t tell everybody. please donghyuck.” 

“send me the address, i’ll be there in less than 10 minutes.”

mark knows he’s making this worse by asking donghyuck to be here, but donghyuck sounded so soft and caring, just like he did in high school, when mark called him after midnight. 

mark wished they could go back to those simpler times, when mark was donghyuck’s everything. and donghyuck mark’s.

now mark is stranded in some random seoul road after screwing over his first boyfriend in years.  
he doesn’t have his car, he doesn’t have his credit card, he doesn’t have jaehyun; he doesn’t have anything anymore.

mark cries.


End file.
